Super Mario

September 2004

The quintessential Italian plummer, Mario is a fat, middle-aged, moustachiod man in overalls. As unlikely heros go, he's riht up there.I figured I'd do the old boy justice by depicting him as a bit more human than you usually see him. Let's throw that fat into sharp relief. Let's see him smeared with human feces. Let's give him some dental problems. Yet in spite of all of this, the man perseveres, saving the princess time and time again.

And that got me thinking: The princess always seems prett fond of him when she's rescued, but it never leads to anything. They're not maried and indeed don't really seem to be dating. Here's my thought: Being rescued from this evil dragon... thing... by a brave hero might be sort of fantasy-fulfillment for a blushing girl like her. Maybe for those precious moments after she's rescued, she gets wildly turned on by the boy, but then, as the thrill passes, she gets a hard look at this repugnant commoner, and suddenly it's not so sexy any more.

So then, maybe, wanting to re-live that moment of extreme excitement, she arranges for herself to go through it again, and goes and gets herself kidnapped once more. And so this wierd psych-sexual game between her and Mario develops, where he has to continue to dutifully play the part of the hero in order to keep things fresh for her.

Keep this set of motivations in mind the next time you play a Mario game, eh wot?