"Ain't seen one of these in a while, huh? Perhaps it's been too long since you've had Colin's magical wisdom to fill your skulls with smart-fluids".

"So the night before last, I had a small dream. But it was great. I was in this grocery store, and I was buying this package of just succulent smoked pork that I was so excited about. I was going to go home and put it on a kaiser roll with some mozarella cheese, and I was going to eat it, and all would be well with the world. Then some neighbor of mine decided to use an electric drill to assault his wall, thus waking me from my delicious dream. I was so sad when I woke up.

And, I mean, this was such a simple dream. Smoked ham. And I felt momentarily silly about this, because, you know, my dreams are usually a lot more jam-packed with pathos. But then I thought again: This is the sort of dream that one of my ancestors, like a million years ago, on the plains of africa might have understood. Not in specifics, right? But in general. Mm. Good food for my belly. Good dream".

And last night, while I was out and about, I was thinking about what I wanted to eat. And you know? I like ice cream. I like cola. I like chicken burgers. I do. But when I thought about eating and drinking them, it did not excite me. It did not make me happy. Sometimes I worry about this; is my palette becoming too jaded as I grow older?

So when I got home this morning, I immediately went back out to the grocery store, and I found myself the nicest looking smoked ham sausages I could find, some kaiser rolls, and some mozerella. I brought them home, boiled those sausages up, made some sandwiches, and you know what?

It was a dream come true. And how often can you say that? I was happy to be eating this thing which my mind had been crying out for, and for the first time in a long time I was happy to be eating something in particular.

If there's a moral in this, I guess it's that sometimes it's the simple dreams which are the best, because they're the easiest to make come true, and there's great value in running with them. It touches something deep and fundamental inside of you, and ain't nothing wrong with that".

"So, on another topic, remember a couple of weeks back when I said I wanted a copy of Harry Turtledove's Homeward Bound? And I offered ten points to anyone who could provide me with it? Well guess what? Jonathan Litwinowicz beat you to it, fuckers. And let the record show that he has earned ten points, and my personal...