FAQ

 

Q: Where did you get the idea for this strip?

A: Well, I was talking to Vyacheslav a while ago about how funny all our hijinx have been since I brought him back from the dead, and suggested that it would make for a great comedy film. We could get Billy Bob Thornton to play both of us, ALA Mike Myers in the Austen Power movies. He said this was a stupid idea and called me a capitalist pig. Just to spite him, I started writing a screenplay. A few days later, I lost interest in the project and decided to make a comic about it instead. Perhaps some day I’ll release the script, in its partial form.

Q: How do you do the art?

A: I take people that I know and get them to pose in the manners which I need them to be in in the strip. I then pour a slightly porous resin over them as they hold this pose and wai for the resin to harden (leaving a straw in their mouths for air and water). Three to four hours later, once the resin is hardened, I cut it off carefully using a circular saw, taking care to cauterize any wounds dealt to the people inside as I go. Once they’re free, I take the mould and fill it with clay, which I then take to a kiln near where I live to fire it. Once the clay replica has been fired, I take it to my neighborhood laser imaging lab, and have them create a three dimensional model on the computer using the clay replica. Once this is complete, images are rendered in the computer, which I then apply my secret and patented “Vyacheslav-o-scope” technology to in order to create black defining lines around all of the distinctive features of the image. Once this is complete, the clay replica and the mould are both destroyed, and once enough images of a given person have been created, the person himself is also destroyed, all to make sure that these images cannot be duplicated. The process takes several weeks per image, which is why each comic requires months of planning, a small fortune, an army of voulenteers, a ship capable of sailing regularly out to international waters, ten stout men to crew it, and a willingness to make the ultimate sacrifice in the name of art to complete.

Q: Can I be in the comic?

A: Depends. What can you offer me as a bribe? Under the right circumstances, I’m willing to accept just about anything, though I prefer sex.

Q: What do you have against Christians?

A: I’m jealous. Ignorance is bliss, and as a result, they’re some of the happiest people on earth. I know I can never be that happy because I can never be that stupid, so I lash out at them at every opportunity.

Also, I’m given to understand that their religion prohibits hygiene of any sort, as sinful.

Q: How much do you pay for hosting and bandwidth?

A:Twice what I pay your momma every Saturday night. Now stop asking me this question.

Q : That’s two questions you’ve inappropriately answered with abrasive sexual content. What’s the deal?

A: Sorry, what was that? I couldn’t make out what you were saying with your father’s cock in your mouth like that.

Q : Fuck off.

A: Can you phrase that as a question?

Q : No. Fuck you.

A : Then I shall take this as a victory.

Q : Whatever. I don’t even care any more. I’m going to go and read a nice safe comic like Megatokyo. That Ping is so cute.

A: Yeah, you just go and do that, pussy.